How will my friends and family react?

The people you tell about your rape experience might have different reactions to your disclosure. For example, shock, fear, hurt or anger that you have suffered this abuse. They might also, however, be confused about how to deal with their own feelings. They might react in ways you did not expect, ways that cause you further pain.

• They might pressure you to report to the police before you have had a chance to think about whether that is what you want to do.

• They might believe the best thing for them to do is to take charge or to push you to seek help.

• They might want you to give details about the rape that you do not want to give.

• They might lecture you on the foolishness of 'getting yourself into a dangerous situation'.

• They might berate and blame themselves for not having been able to protect you.

• They might want to find, confront or punish the rapist.

• They might want revenge.

• They might believe that not talking about it will make the whole thing 'go away' more quickly.

Husbands or partners might avoid closeness with you or might decide that immediate sexual intimacy will help you get over it. You have the right to express what level of intimacy you want and to have that supported.

Those close to you might become over-protective in an attempt to deal with their own sense of helplessness or guilt.

Family and friends might ask you questions about the rape which may seem as if they don't understand what it was like for you. It may appear that they are suggesting that you are somehow to blame for what happened. It is important that you remember you are not at fault.

No one asks to be raped.

Given that rape is such a misunderstood form of violence, people might respond to you in ways that reinforce common myths about rape as this is the only information they have.

While it might help to understand the feelings of the people close to you, this does not mean you should take responsibility for helping them to cope. Your family and friends can get support from one another or talk with an 'outside' person about their own feelings and needs. You have the right to put your own needs first.

You are entitled to support and to make your own decisions. It may help to have a network of people you trust to turn to. Family and friends can often fulfil this need. You might feel that you can trust some of your friends and family to respond in a more sensitive way than others.

It is up to you to choose whom you tell and what you tell them.

If you want or need additional support, you can contact a sexual assault support service and talk to a support worker.

How to support a rape survivor