Defining our own feelings

Women may have a range of different feelings and reactions following a rape.

There are no right or wrong ways to feel.

These are some of the common feelings that women have experienced and talked aboutIfeel free to add your own feelings and thoughts.

"Did this really happen to me?"

Ashamed. Frightened. Numb. Shocked. Disbelief. Betrayed.

"I could have been killed"

Stunned. Confused. Sickened. Hurt. Sore.

"Why me?"

Powerless. Mad. Out of control. Crying buckets. Distrust.

" I couldn't stop it happening to me and now everyone is running around organising things for me and I don't have any say in what is happening."

Rage. Anger. Want to scream. Hatred. Disgust.

Sometimes there is also a feeling of relief that you survived the ordeal.

Depression. Anxiety. Panicky. Physically ill. Run down.

Some women find that sleeping is all they want to do and retreat to bed for a while. Others can't sleep or have broken sleep from nightmares, flashbacks or panic attacks.

Frozen. Overwhelmed. Fearful. Unsafe. Feeling crazy.

Sometimes rape survivors experience fear that the rapist will return or  when they see someone who looks like the rapist.

Grief. Hating yourself. Guilty. Dirty. Suicidal.

Self-questioning of everything you did from the way you dressed to why you decided to go home that particular way.

You might feel you are somehow to blame:

"I should not have got drunk."

"I should have known my husband was a rapist."

"I shouldn't have worn that dress."

" I shouldn't have invited him home for a coffee."

This self-blame may effect the choices you make now. It is important to keep reminding yourself that no one asks to be raped.

                               IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Rape usually affects the way we feel about our bodies.

It is common for women to feel dirty or 'unclean' after being raped. You might find yourself spending a lot of time in the bath or shower, trying to scrub away this feeling.

"Can people tell?"

You may feel a sense of isolation, of feeling different somehow from other people.

You might feel a lot of anger and rage at having to go through any of this.

Doing every day things may be very difficult, especially looking after others.

These are only some of the feelings you might experience. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to feel. Everyone is different.

It is important to allow yourself the time you need to process the rape, at the pace you decide and with the kind of support that feels right for you.

Will I ever feel normal again?