Myths and realities

Many people in our society hold false ideas and attitudes about rape and rape survivors.

These myths are widespread and serve to legitimise rape. Too often the blame for rape is shifted from the rapist to the women and children who have been raped.

Most rapists have always lied about rape. Their lies are deliberate and work to perpetuate the myths that allow rape to continue.


Rape hardly ever happens	Rape is a common occurrence
Women enjoy being raped	Women do not enjoy being raped. Rape is a humiliating and often violent experience for women. It is a terrifying demonstration of the lack of control we have over our bodies and our lives. Rape has nothing to do with women's sexual pleasure.
Men rape because they are drunk or "out of it"	Many people use drugs and/or alcohol and do not rape. Men make an active choice to rape. Being under the influence of drugs or alcohol is never an excuse for violence.
"Nice girls" don't get raped.	This myth implies that some women are safe from the possibility of sexual violence. There is no such thing as a particular "type of woman" who gets raped. Women of all ages, classes, races, religions, sexualities, relationship categories, abilities and physical appearance or attributes, are raped.
Most women are raped by strangers	Although many women are raped by strangers, overwhelmingly, women are raped by someone they know. Many women are raped by their husbands, lovers, fathers or friends. Most rapes occur within the home. Thus home, for many women, is no safer than any other place.
Men can't help themselves - men rape because they cannot control their sexual urges	This is a pathetic excuse for rape. No sexual urge ever gives a man the right to rape a woman or child. Rape is not an impulsive sexual act by a "man who could not stop himself". It is an act of aggression, humiliation and power by a man who chooses to violate women.
Women who are raped "asked for it"	No woman ever asks to be raped. Women do not "provoke" men to rape. There is never any excuse for rape. To say that a woman “asked for it" shifts the responsibility away from the rapist. It is a way of shifting the blame from men (where it belongs) and placing it on women.
Men who rape are "sick"	Most rapists are "ordinary" men from all classes, professions, ages, nationalities and backgrounds. They are not necessarily psychopaths or mentally ill. Rapists are usually "normal" men who are expressing a commonly accepted male behaviour which reflects a very low regard for women. A rapist is usually somebody's son, brother, father, husband, trusted friend or best mate - "normal" to those who know him. Rapists are friends, relatives, neighbours or total strangers. There is no such thing as a particular "type of man" who rapes.
It is up to women to avoid being raped.	It is not up to a woman to avoid being raped- rather it is up to men to take responsibility for sexual violence and to stop raping women and children.
Women need men to protect them from rape	Being in the company of a man does not protect women from other men. Being in the company of a man does not protect you from the man you are with. This myth is also used as a tactic by men to rape women -"I'll walk you to your car!", "It's too dangerous on your own, "I'll come with you" or "I'll marry you".
Women never rape	Approximately 1% of rapists are women. We acknowledge the difficulties associated with disclosing and reporting experiences of rape by women.
Women cry rape when it suits them.	Women are often too ashamed to tell anyone that they have been raped. They fear being accused of "asking for it" or fear not being believed at all. The "cry rape" myth contributes to the suppression of women and the silencing of the incidence of rape. Most rapes are never reported to the police. Conservative estimates are that only one in ten rapes are reported. Indeed, many rape survivors do not tell anyone. This is not hard to understand, if we consider the following: Police and court procedures are often extremely traumatic and humiliating for rape survivors. Many women experience the processes of reporting to police and the court trial as further violations. Definitions of rape, both within the legal system and in the community, are unclear and do not reflect women's experiences of rape. For instance, what kinds of acts are considered to be rape, who decides what "consent" is and how consent is to be determined, remain contentious. Most women are raped in the home by someone they know. Husbands rape, as do fathers, brothers, uncles, co-workers and boyfriends. When the rapist is known to the woman, she may fear further violence if she makes a report. Until these pressures are acknowledged and until incest is recognised as rape, women will continue to be reluctant to speak out. In short, the majority of women who are raped do not report because they are acutely aware of legal and societal attitudes that continue to place the blame on them, instead of on men who rape.
It won't happen to me.	It could happen to you.

The effects of these myths are that women are silenced. If they tell anyone, including the police, they may be accused of asking for it or lying.

The reality of women and children's trauma is minimised and denied as these myths draw the responsibility of rae away from the rapist and their decision to violate.

These myths confound the reactions of family and friends and often affects their ability to support someone who has been raped, which increases isolation and possible avenues for support. Women and children become more isolated, even from other women.

They also suggest that a woman has not really been raped if her rape experience does not fit the legal definitions of rape or if she doesn't fit the criteria for a "rape victim". Women who do not cry or women who are angry for instance, may not be believed or seen to need support as they do not fit the stereotype of being a victim.

Defining your own feelings